BAD BOYS: SUMMER SLEAZEBAG EDITION

Why do the bad boys always seem to be badder in the summer? (Yes, I know, I said “badder.” Live with it). Who knows, but there seems to be a pattern. This summer has been particularly frisky and mischievous for some of the most high profile bad boys. And don’t get all huffy about the exclusion of uber-bad boys John Edwards, Michael Vick, Rod Blagojeich and Glenn Beck from this piece. They’re still bad. Real bad. It’s just that I have written about all three of them ad nauseum lately, so I chose to focus herein on some of their bad contemporaries.

Plaxico Burress will serve two years in prison, it was reported this week, after pleading guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon. But here’s the rub: Burress shot himself in the leg with the gun. Unfortunately, the gun he was carrying was not licensed. So, the married father of one, with another on the way goes to prison, and even when he gets out, it is not a given that the one-time Super Bowl star will be back in the NFL. "This was not an intentional criminal act," attorney Benjamin Brafman said. "In my judgment, a two-year prison sentence is a very severe punishment." So, that would suggest what? That Burress unintentionally carried an unlicensed weapon into a crowded public place? Burress, 32, has a history of unlawful behavior, which the judge probably considered. He’s still charged with smashing into the back of a Broward County, FL woman’s car with his Mercedes. Not only hasn’t he settled anything with her, but he was driving without insurance. And let’s not forget his two separate domestic disturbance instances in 2008, when he was hit with a restraining order in his own home. I hereby charge Plaxico Burress with serial badness.

Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina just will not go gently into that private night. He insists on staying public. This week he addressed a luncheon group and once again apologized for his bad judgment and behavior in carrying on an affair with an Argentinian woman. His wife and kids have already moved out, followed by a September Vogue interview in which Jenny Sanford is not cutting her husband much slack – you know, because he’s bad. Sanford now admits his political career is over, but he insists on finishing out the remaining 16 months of his term. More bad judgment on his part? You be the judge. Here is what a lame duck looks and sounds like:


Dr. Conrad Murray is on track to be charged with manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson, according to a report from Fox News. Murray, who has admitted administering the intravenous anesthetic propofol to help Jackson sleep just hours before his death, says the truth will set him free. Hmmm. Since the truth is that the doctor gave Jackson a drug that virtually everyone in the medical community agrees is for use only in a surgical setting, one wonders how that might free him. So, why manslaughter and not murder? Possibly because there is nothing much in the doc’s background to suggest criminal patterns, except for some unpaid child support. And, it seems clear (so far, anyway) that it was not his intention to kill Jackson.

Senator John Ensign is the next in the long line of legislators who seem to believe that if they just don’t talk about their extra-marital sexual indiscretions, they whole thing will just somehow go away. However, Ensign, who admitted having an affair with the wife of one of his best friends, (both worked for Ensign), now comes forward to say he did nothing legally wrong. No mention of ethics or morals or any of that, just nothing legally wrong. Ensign, who was among the loudest legislators calling for Bill Clinton’s resignation during the Lewinsky affair, says there is a big difference between his situation and Clinton’s. I haven't done anything legally wrong. President Clinton stood right before the American people and he lied to the American people," Ensign said. Still, like Mark Sanford, Ensign keeps apologizing. And like our old friend David Vitter, he’s hoping the whole thing magically disappears.

I could go on – I mean I could talk about Jon Gosselin (oh, God, are we still talking about him?), or former NY Times reporter Jayson Blair. Blair is the guy who ruined his own career and brought down two of the most powerful men in the NY Times newsroom, when he fabricated stories a few years ago. Blair, long considered in journalism circles the worst of all bad boys, has taken on a new profession – life counselor. So Woody Allenish, no? Anyway, I’m not going into any great detail about that because anecdotal evidence suggests that you stop reading after about 700 words on a blog entry – we’re at 811 right now. So I lost many of you somewhere in the John Ensign paragraph. Damn. So much badness to report, and such short attention spans.

THE BAD, BAD BOYS OF SUMMER 2009

I have this theory about life that some of my friends and associates often find amusing. It goes like this: MEN CHEAT. As the years have gone by, I have added an addendum: POWERFUL AND/OR WEALTHY MEN CHEAT EVEN MORE. I don’t know about you, but I am beyond tired of hearing about married politicians having affairs, particularly those who have been so vocal about “family values.” Last week we were let in on Nevada Senator John Ensign’s tawdry tale, which definitely includes an affair, and possibly blackmail, payoffs and, oh well, you can pretty much write the rest, right? Today it’s South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the married father of four who missed Father’s Day this year because he was in Argentina canoodling with his babe. Oh God, is anybody as over this as I am?

The Mark and John shows of the last couple of weeks are just more of the same in the ongoing drama that is Bill Clinton, John Edwards, et al. Oh, did I mention the most recent et al. includes a Miami priest named Father Alberto Cutie (I promise on all that’s holy that the guy’s last name is “Cutie”). Seems Fr. Cutie (below, left) was caught all cuddly on a public beach with his girlfriend. Oy. Men, in my view, like to see what they can get away with. In middle or post-middle age it gets the juices going, if you will, to have a woman who is willing to snuggle up and keep it on the down low. There is almost a script to which they adhere: First, they come up with multiple reasons to be away from home. At first, they keep their assignations very quiet and private. But as time passes, they become bolder and in some cases begin going out in public. Much more exciting that way, right? Reminder: Men like to see what they can get away with. Then, they get caught. Pretty much every time. The media, you know. Then there is the solemn, sometimes tearful press conference. Then the headlines.

I am not here to pass judgment on the sanctity or lack thereof of marriage. And I’m really not here to pass judgment on how anybody conducts his sex life. Believe me. I’m so not. But I do question the carelessness with which these guys treat their professional responsibilities. Today, it should be noted, a public watchdog group called Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington filed formal complaints with the Senate Ethics Committee and the Federal Elections Commission calling for investigations of Sen. Ensign (right).
As has been reported, the woman with whom Ensign had the affair was an employee of his. Why did her salary almost double during the period of their relationship? Her husband also worked for Ensign. It appears both were fired. Why? It has also been reported that Ensign made a handsome severance payment to the woman. That payment was never reported in his campaign finance report. Why not? Her husband received $6,000 when he separated from Ensign’s staff. It was recorded as “vacation time.” That’s quite a payment for vacation time. Some have suggested it was a payoff to get the husband out of the way. Was it?

As for Sanford, (below, left) last week he was reported missing in action. His staff did not know where he was, although they speculated he was hiking in the woods. He did not officially leave anyone in charge of the state of South Carolina while he supposedly communed with nature, but actually communed au naturale with a certain Maria of Argentina. In his absence Lieutenant Gov. Andrew Bauer said, "I cannot take lightly that his staff has not had communication with him for more than four days, and that no one, including his own family, knows his whereabouts." There is good reason for Bauer’s sentiments. Suppose there had been a natural disaster, such as major flooding while the Governor was missing. As Governor, he is in charge of the state’s National Guard. No one else has the authority to deploy the Guard to the affected areas. What would happen? As Governor, Sanford is the only individual legally authorized to commute a death sentence to life imprisonment at the last minute. Suppose his trip coincided with an execution. Then what? I could go on, but you begin to see the irresponsible behavior Sanford exhibited by not putting Bauer in charge while he clandestinely left the country.

The moral of this story goes something like this: If you make a decision to serve the public, your choice comes with certain add-ons: First, you will most likely sacrifice most or all of your privacy, and if you need a little ‘sumpin sumpin’ on the side, we will find out about it. Second, although you are in a rather dishonest business - that of government and legislative management - we are expecting you to tell the truth. And again, if you do not, we will find out about it. And finally, yes, you are being held to a higher moral standard that you might be had you decided to be a cashier at Target. And if you compromise your morality for your own self-indulgent reasons, we will find out about it.

Just ask John Edwards. Or Eliot Spitzer. Or Bill Clinton. So, what should happen? Ensign and Sanford should resign. Now. It’s not about sex. It’s about responsibility and doing the job we elected you to do. Man up and step down.

IT IS TIME TO ASK...AND TELL

When Bill Clinton was campaigning for his first term as President, the issue of gays in the military started to gather some steam. Around 1993, I heard a report about a pending “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that would permit gays to serve in the military. Make no mistake…gays had always served in the U.S. military, but no one really spoke of it. In World War II there may have been hundreds of thousands of gay service personnel. If a more aggressive effort was not undertaken to rid the military of known homosexuals, it was only because there was such a massive need for troops and support personnel. In a war like that one, the U.S. could not be quite so picky about sexual orientation. Still, military people who were discovered to be sexually active with people of the same gender often found themselves in psychiatric wards.

We don’t presume to ship gay people off to mental hospitals anymore. That hasn’t been done in decades. But somehow, even now, in 2009, our government still fails to recognize the remarkable achievements of some individuals, once it is determined that they are homosexual. In fact, for thousands of U.S. military personnel, their sexuality has rendered their heroism, their bravery and their commitment to America null and void.

Such is the case of Lieutenant Colonel Victor J. Fehrenbach, a fighter weapons systems officer, an aviator with 18 years of service. Fehrenbach, whose mother and father served in the U.S. Air Force, and who estimates the military has spent upwards of $25 million training him, will shortly be involuntarily discharged because he is gay. How interesting that the U.S. military earlier saw fit to ceremoniously decorate him for heroism, and yet now sees fit to fire him. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is in full bloom, and currently no one – not the President, not the Congress, not military officials—no one is speaking of it.

That is, until Lt. Col. Fehrenbach decided to speak. He did so on Rachel Maddow’s program. Listen to what he had to say:

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Think about it: What is “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” anyway? It is a policy that simply says, ‘We, the U.S. government agree not to discuss your sex life with you because we need you in large numbers to fight for your country; and you, the service personnel that we need, agree not to discuss your sex life with us, because you have something to be fully ashamed of. And if you slip up and express yourself honestly and act on your attraction to another human being, we’ll have no choice but to fire you.’

The premise is flawed. Of course, our government has a choice. Their option is to cancel the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and work toward social change in the military. Congress has the power to do this. You have the personal power to communicate your opinion to your Senators and Representatives. Here is the place you can find their email addresses. Speak up. In the end, it is about you. Socio/cultural change is always about all of us.