AN OPEN LETTER TO SURVIVORS OF HURRICANE SANDY

Dear Northeasterners,

Right now you are reeling from the most shocking thing that has ever happened to you, and the reeling will probably continue indefinitely. I know, because in 2005 I saw what a hurricane did to my own hometown, New Orleans. We here in New Orleans are watching your soggy nightmare with a mixture of horror and traumatic memory, but there are probably a few things you could gain from our own Hurricane Katrina experience. So, here goes:

Be prepared for insurance hell. You will find out, much to your surprise, that your insurance deductible may be quite a bit higher than you anticipated. In fact, the deductible you thought you had signed up for may not apply to this particular event. Your deductible for damages to your property may be based on a percentage of the value of your home.

Home values in the Northeast are generally higher than they are here in New Orleans, which in many instances is a plus. This time it’s not. Let’s say your home is worth half a million dollars. Prepare your head for a possible deductible of up to $25,000. We found that out the hard way here. Also, be prepared that your policy may cover wind damage, but not water damage. Or, your policy may cover water damage, but not wind damage. Or, the insurance company may simply announce that they are not covering one or the other for this particular storm. If you do not have flood insurance, which many, many Americans do not have, you may not be able to recover damages at all.

Get ready for politicians’ visits. The governmental response (local, state and federal) to Katrina established the gold standard for what not to do in the event of a major catastrophe. In New Orleans, an inept Mayor (C. Ray Nagin, now being investigated by the feds for possible acceptance of gifts [bribes?] from vendors, post-Katrina); a Governor who was in over her head; and a President who left it up to everybody else to respond to the disaster, combined to make all future hurricane responses just the opposite of theirs. In other words, expect to see Obama, Romney, your individual governors, your senators and anybody else who might benefit politically by doing some face time in the streets amid the rubble. There may be an exceptional legislator or candidate who is there for all the right reasons, sans TV cameras. But most of them will be there for their own self-serving reasons. If that sounds cynical, it is not. We lived it.

Try to stay healthy. Hospitals and clinics will be overwhelmed for some time to come. Healthcare may be sketchy. Doctors who lost their own homes may be unavailable, or not even fully present (mentally) when they see you. I tripped in a post-Katrina crumbling French Quarter street after the storm and broke my hand. Hospitals were either closed or over-burdened at the time,

but one hospital set up shop in an old Lord & Taylor department store downtown. I spent nine hours waiting for someone to just look at my hand. Find out right now what hospitals and clinics in your area are operating, just in case you may need one in the near future. Your own New York University Langone Medical Center had to be evacuated during the storm because its backup generators failed to produce any power. Meanwhile, other New York hospitals canceled outpatient appointments and elective surgeries. Believe it or not, it was worse here during Katrina. Patients and hospital workers were trapped in flooded hospitals for days and some died. Even without that horror, you may be in for some limited healthcare services for quite a while.

Watch the best and worst of humanity. Just as you experienced after 9/11, your community is about to come together in an unprecedented fashion. Strangers will actually make eye contact with one another, a general no-no in NYC. People will comfort one another. Humanity will prevail. Days after 9/11 I was in NYC and I was stunned to see the level of human contact and empathy among usually hard core New Yorkers. It was life-affirming. The same thing happened here after Katrina. But life gets in the way, and sometimes

people will react to you in ways you did not expect, simply because they are trying to survive the disaster. Interpersonal friction, physical fights and verbal assaults will happen, born simply out of fear and frustration with the slow pace at which recovery happens. Looting will happen, possibly in your own store or other business. Businesses that are open will run short of supplies and merchandise, and people will struggle with one another over who gets what. It becomes chaotic, sometimes scary and the undercurrent of stress is ever-present. And it lasts for a long time.

   Northeasterners, what we found here in New Orleans in those first couple of years after the storm was that we were much, much tougher than we ever believed we could be. Our new normal was something we never could have foreseen. We did not even have enough grocery stores for years after Katrina. For the first few months, or maybe a year, if you called 911 you might wait for a very long time for help in a crisis. There were a lot of divorces and other breakups simply because people did not know how to work together to survive what had befallen them. It seemed like everybody was on something – Paxil, Lexapro, Xanax, alcohol, pot, whatever. But resilience reigned. We prevailed. We moved forward. You, too, will move forward one way or another. This is the time for you to take a step back and just breathe. Look up, instead of down at the rubble. You’re still here.

You’re nervous and unsure of what even the next day holds for you, but you’re here and you’re still standing. Each step you take will become a minor victory and sooner than you think, life will happen again as it should. It’s about getting in touch with your inner Rocky Balboa and realizing that the giant wave of October, 2012 does not define you.

ABUSED! - In The Workplace

I was with a friend of mine recently – an attorney – when she received a text from her boss. It seems she had emailed him earlier to let him know some bad news about a case he was working on. Somehow he didn’t see the email until hours later. He was instantly angry that he didn’t know this news earlier. So he texted my friend: “You’re incompetent. You need to leave.” Evidently he believed she should have called him to confirm that he had received the email.

Can you imagine receiving a text message from your boss that says you’re incompetent? In my book, that’s abusive. You can punch a person with your fists, but if you really want to pound somebody – use words like “incompetent.” I could argue the words are more abusive than the fist. What the hell goes on in the mind of a man who sends a text like that? Reasonable human beings know that the fact that he felt he had a right to speak to her

like that is unconscionable. But it happens all the time. All the time in workplaces across America. Maybe you work in such a place. Maybe you’ve been verbally abused by the boss. Or maybe you’ve been mistreated by someone in your organization that is overly ambitious and clawing their way up the company ladder.

Bad behavior in the workplace takes many forms, but they all lead to one place – these days they call it bullying, but I prefer the more accurate term – abuse. I spent a number of years in the corporate system, where workplace abuse runs rampant. The reason it thrives as wildly and continually as it does is simple: Most states have no laws in place against it. Employees who are verbally and psychologically abused have very little recourse in the American justice system.

In the past 10 years, 21 states have introduced bills to protect workers from workplace abuse, but to date, none have been enacted. Each state that has made a legislative proposal has put forth a version of the Healthy Workplace Bill. Right now there is only one state, New Jersey, that has a pending bill before its state legislature. The other 20 states have previous bills that were not acted upon. There are laws on the books under which a person can sue an employer for harassment or discrimination based on gender, sexuality or ethnicity, but nothing protects the American workers from his workplace abuse from fellow workers.

Think about it: In a workplace you are essentially compelled to associate with a group of people not of your choosing. There is absolutely no guarantee that relationships will develop and there is every possibility that clashing egos, incompatibility and conflicting working styles will happen somewhere within the organization. Yet those who fall victim to others’ bad behavior have no legal leg to stand on.

There are occasional exceptions that find their way into the courts. In 2008, for example, Dr. Daniel Raess, an Indiana heart surgeon was sued by perfusionist Joseph Doescher for workplace abuse.

Doescher alleged that in an altercation that took place at St. Francis Hospital, Raess came at him "with clenched fists, piercing eyes, beet-red face, popping veins and screaming and swearing,” saying, “You’re finished. You’re history.” Doescher claimed he felt confident that Raess was about to hit him. The case went all the way to the Indiana Supreme Court, which upheld a lower court’s ruling that ordered Raess to pay Doescher $325,000. The case was a rare legal victory.

As usual, the numbers tell the story. About one-third of workers said they have been bullied in the workplace, according to a 2012 nationwide study by CareerBuilder, a Chicago-based human resources company. Those who felt victimized increased to 35 percent from 27 percent last year. The most common ways workers reported bullying were 42 percent who said they were falsely accused of making mistakes and 39 percent who said they were ignored.

And there’s more: Believe it or not, there is an organization called the Workplace Bullying Institute. with a stated objective “To understand, correct and prevent all abuse at work.” They report that 30 percent of people who said they were bullied have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and an additional 29 percent said they have contemplated suicide because of the abuse. Suicide? Indeed. Watch this:
On September 5, 2012, the Morrissey family filed a lawsuit against the university, blaming the institution for Kevin Morrissey’s 2010 suicide. The suit named Ted Genoways, Kevin’s boss, as well as the university president and two human resources employees. The family seeks $10 million in damages. Like the Raess case, this suit will likely wind its way through the court system in Virginia for many years, but its outcome could portend significant recognition of the issue of workplace abuse. As of this writing, Genoways, the alleged abuser, is still employed in the same position at the university.

The Institute also revealed data that indicates fully one-third of workers between the ages of 50 and 64 have experienced workplace abuse. One could posit that older workers are often targeted because they

are more expensive than younger workers, and in some instances the abuse is the company’s way of pushing them out. Or, it is also possible that younger, less experienced supervisors use bullying as a way to assert their authority, either because of their own cockiness, or because they are still somewhat insecure in their management positions. Whatever the motivation, the behavior is unacceptable -- but entirely legal.

Here’s what is not legal: harassment. So, if a case involves discrimination or harassment based on sexuality, religion, ethnicity, age or some other legally protected worker population, the courts might be able to help you, as they did Doescher. But, if you work for someone who is just a jerk, who undermines you at every turn, who uses you to advance his or her own career, or who plays out all of his or her parent/child historical angst on you – unfortunately, at this moment in America you may be out of luck. If you feel powerless as the one on the receiving end of workplace abuse, you will likely have an uphill battle ahead of you to find justice. Justice, by the way, is why I am writing this. You’ll

notice at the top of this blog, the primary topics listed include “justice.” The woman whose boss called her incompetent is not the only acquaintance of mine who is experiencing workplace abuse. My position is this: Since we Americans take strong positions on other injustices, such as racial profiling, domestic abuse, police brutality and gender inequality, it is now time for us to speak up about the way American workers are mistreated on the job.

Start by learning more about the Healthy Workplace Bill. The campaign to enact this bill, state by state is grassroots, to be sure. But in large numbers with dogged determination, the laws can be introduced and passed. If you are an employer, do the right thing. Visit the Workplace Bullying Institute for solid information on how you can create a more professional, humane environment in your organization. And if you’re being abused at work – hang in there and make the healthiest decisions for yourself. Sometimes that means taking a stand within the organization, but sometimes it means separating yourself from the toxic atmosphere. You deserve better. You know you do.

I can’t say I’ve ever been to La Crosse, Wisconsin, but if I were given an opportunity to shake the hand of WKBT-TV anchorperson Jennifer Livingston, I would find my way there. Livingston, you have probably heard, is the articulate communicator who took on Kenneth Krause, an expressive emailer who had this to say to her about her physical self:

“Surely you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle.” Livingston could have ignored Krause, or she could have privately replied to his email. Instead, she boldly faced the live television camera and said this:
Like so many others who watched this video this week, I am blown away by Livingston’s grace in the face of such a personal attack. No tears in her eyes, no crack in her voice, no vindictiveness in her message to her rhetorical predator – just pure dignity. Bravo. But from a media standpoint, I have a further reaction: In today’s mass communication world, four minutes and 21 seconds is an eternity. Yet WTBK saw fit to offer Livingston as much time as she needed to effectively get her message out. And Livingston filled her time with real substance—and heart.

Not surprisingly, people listened. The Twitterverse was abuzz all day and all evening following Livingston’s speech. The running tweet theme is unbridled respect for Livingston. The collective public understanding is that Krause’s words were unacceptably cruel. Words like Krause’s don’t simply sting – they stab. The American public doesn’t take kindly to deliberate meanness. Remember the bus monitor who was bullied  by schoolboys? The public ended up pitching in to the tune of $700,000 which was donated to her. While it is unlikely we’ll be sending our cash to Livingston, we are already contributing mightily to her status as a role model.

What motivates people like Krause? (below, left) What twisted satisfaction does he derive from reducing an entire human being to nothing more than how much physical space she takes up?

How is it that Krause is so blinded by a person’s size that he is unable to see their real worth on the planet? Is Krause not wise enough to understand that Livingston is, as she aptly put it, “much more than a number on a scale”? Why is it that when I look at Jennifer Livingston, I see a thoughtful, self-possessed, highly articulate woman, but when Krause looks at her he just sees 200 pounds?

Many of us are tired of individuals who hide behind their email accounts and use them to unleash their venom on respectable individuals who are making true contributions to society. I highly doubt that Krause would have the balls to appear at Livingston’s office door and say, “I was surprised indeed to see that your physical condition hasn’t improved in many years.” But he was presumptuous enough to say it in an email, from the safety of his own home or office. However, when La Crosse radio personality Brian Simpson invited Krause to appear on air to discuss the whole issue, Krause (predictably) declined.

I work with college students. I see routinely how their self-concepts are not as well-formed or healthy as they could be. I also see how a discouraging or disparaging word from their teachers can undo whatever progress they may have made in bolstering their own self-esteem. I remember the black female student who told me,

“I wanted to be a news anchor, but one of my teachers told me my dialect is too thick and people won’t be able to understand what I’m saying.” I also remember the dyslexic young man whose teacher told him, “Everybody else is keeping up with the reading assignments, so there’s no reason you can’t.” I had a student a few years ago who had taken five years to get through high school because his teachers and even his family members had told him he was “stupid,” although later it was determined he had a learning disability.

The wisest words I ever heard came from a professor of mine who said, “People are often what you invite them to be.” If we invite people to diminish themselves because of their weight or their disabilities or their speech patterns or any other personal challenge they may have, they will usually end up diminished.

It’s not an original thought, I know, but it’s worth repeating here. If we invite people to be their best selves, to rise above the ignorance of those who would demean them and to believe in their untapped potential, everybody wins. To Jennifer Livingston I would simply say, “Nicely done. Your three daughters, your husband, your employer and your viewers are lucky to have you. I hope to shake your hand one day, even if it means traveling to La Crosse, WI.”

WHEN A LITTLE POWER GOES A LONG, LONG WAY

Until a few weeks ago you could probably Google Flagstaff, AZ Superior Court Judge Jacqueline Hatch (above) and very little information would come up. One could say she was flying under the judicial radar, and she probably liked it that way.  That all ended when she was called upon to adjudicate a case involving a police officer who allegedly groped a female customer in a bar.  The woman sued for sexual molestation and won…sort of.  The ruling came back in her favor, but when the judge handed down sentencing to the 43-year-old former Arizona Department of Public Safety Officer Robb Gary Evans, (left)

he was let off relatively lightly with two years’ probation only.  The plaintiff, (identified only as a “Flagstaff area professional) on the other hand was given a severe verbal tongue-lashing in open court.  Let's keep in mind that Evans was convicted for felony sexual abuse. Here is what Judge Hatch had to say to the plaintiff:

“Bad things can happen in bars,” Hatch told the victim, adding that other people might be more intoxicated than she was. “If you wouldn’t have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you. I hope you look at what you’ve been through and try to take something positive out of it,” Hatch said to the victim in open court. “You learned a lesson about friendship and you learned a lesson about vulnerability.” Hatch said that the victim was not to blame in the case, but that all women must be vigilant against becoming victims.  “When you blame others, you give up your power to change,” Hatch said that her mother used to say.

So let’s review:  The police officer got his hands slapped, and the victim was dressed down for her decision to go out and have a cocktail.  To my way of thinking, something is wrong with this picture. First, the last time I checked, the job of a judge was to hand down legal decisions, not to moralize to victims of crime about their personal lives, and certainly not to condescend to victims of sexual assault and humiliate them in a public courtroom.

Of course what we do not know is how many times Hatch, appointed by Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (right),

has uttered similar personal judgments in her courtroom.  It is, without question, an abuse of power, and more importantly, such communication from judge to victim is likely to further discourage already embarrassed victims from coming forward to seek justice.   It is pretty much the same thing as telling a rape victim that she wouldn’t have been raped if she hadn’t worn such provocative clothing.

In this case, the plaintiff went public with the judge’s unacceptable behavior and demanded an apology. Caving only to extreme public pressure, Hatch ultimately did apologize.  It rang hollow, since clearly no apology would have been forthcoming had it not been made public that she preached her wholly un-judicial, albeit highly judgmental gospel in the courtroom.

Victims who are blamed by people in authoritative positions are usually women. I somehow cannot envision Judge Hatch telling a male plaintiff that had he just not gone out to watch a football game at the corner bar he would not have been punched by a drunk patron. And as for “bad things” happening in bars, I would just like Hatch to know that bad things happen also in grocery stores, movie theatres (remember Aurora, CO?), airports, schools, hospitals and just about every public place there is.  Should we all just stay home Judge?

Meanwhile, about the same time the uproar was happening in Flagstaff, a much higher profile authority figure was spouting off his own sexist nonsense, except this time it happened on national television.  Once again, evangelistic whack job Pat Robertson made headlines when he answered a query from a viewer who couldn’t figure out what to do about his difficult wife.  Watch:

This time the woman is presumably not a victim (yet), but Robertson would have the husband turn her into one. Remember, this is the same guy who once said, "The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." 

I promise you he truly did say that.

Let’s keep in mind that this is also the man who said that if a man is married to a woman who has Alzheimer’s disease, “I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her."

All of this and so much more reminds us that despite years of feminist doctrine, legislative action for equality and institutional recognition of the relevance of equal rights, we are still evidently a paternalistic society that enables people in powerful positions to perpetuate raw sexism. Should Hatch remain on the bench?  Many say no. Petitions are circulating demanding her resignation. Should Robertson continue to spout his nonsense on national television? Maybe, maybe not. He has lost so much credibility over the years with his outlandish views that the thinking public pays little attention to his counsel now.  Still, it begs the question: Who is monitoring state-appointed and self-appointed authority figures, and if no one is on watch, do victims run the risk of being victimized all over again when they seek justice or solutions?

THE CONVENTIONS: WORDS LEFT UNSPOKEN

I have to admit I missed most of the Republican National Convention and especially the empty chair speech by Hollywood legend Clint Eastwood. You’ll have to excuse my absence but I’m in New Orleans and Hurricane Isaac cancelled life here for a solid week. Still, I did watch videos of speeches, and I read as much as I could. Most recently, the Democrats had their turn, and like so many others I was somewhat dazzled by the First Lady’s remarks and the sustained power of Bill Clinton’s rhetoric. But if ever we Americans needed convincing that these conventions are nothing more than theater, consider all of the topics not broached by any of the speakers, regardless of party affiliation.

 There are five areas I would dearly love to have heard them address. They are:
 

HUNGER IN AMERICA: Just this week comes word that a new report from the The Department of Agriculture reveals that about 5.5 percent of Americans, or nearly 18 million households, suffered "very low food security"  [read: hunger] in 2011. I am left to wonder how the partisan debate about healthcare can be waged without reference to a malnourished population that is wide open to disease. The USDA started monitoring food security in 1995, and right now, according to the new report, the food insecurity rate in America is at its highest level ever. Food insecurity ranges from individuals who are forced to skip meals because they cannot afford enough food, to those who simply go hungry most of the time –right here…in America. Why is that not being addressed on a national level during an election year?  

WAR IN AFGHANISTAN: Neither party wants to mention the word “war,” or “Afghanistan.” That has much to do with the fact that we’re still there, allowing our U.S. military members to be killed for essentially nothing. In an Aug. 13 New Yorker Magazine piece, writer Dexter Filkins wisely points out that neither candidate says much about Afghanistan because nobody knows what to do about it.

Shades of LBJ and Vietnam, right? So, rather than destroy a candidacy over a failed war effort that is at least 28 months from troop withdrawal, Romney and Obama simply shelve the topic in favor of winning the election. My money is on Pulitizer Prize winning Filkins, who actually spent time in Afghanistan reporting on the entire debacle there. After all, why would a candidate for President tout anything about a war that has cost us upwards of $400 billion and more than 2,000 American lives, and accomplished nothing in terms of our own national security or advancement as a world power? One could say that both candidates have effectively turned the Afghan situation in to a non-issue.

 HOMELESSNESS: Some perspective: In 2011 more than 600,000 Americans were homeless. That’s about the size of the entire population of Baltimore or Memphis. We remain the wealthiest country in the world despite our floundering economy and shaky world presence. Still, Americans are

homeless in their own country in record numbers. Forget that dated image you may have of homeless people being bums. Today’s homeless include a large contingent of veterans from that not-talked-about war in Afghanistan, as well as previously middle-class citizens who are losing their jobs and their homes in droves. According to a report called “The State of Homelessness in America 2012” from The National Alliance to End Homelessness, fully 40 percent of America’s homeless are not sheltered. They are living on the streets of America. No one in Charlotte or Tampa even mentioned a plan to put a roof over the hundreds of thousands of American heads that have been disenfranchised. Why is that?  

THE RACIAL DIVIDE: It was encouraging to see Latinos like Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) and San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro prominently speaking at this year’s conventions. It was amazing for people of a certain age to see a Black First Lady garner the accolades she did after her appearance at the DNC. Progress, huh? That is, if you can ignore the fact that the

RNC’s big get was Clint Eastwood, who lives in (and was once mayor of) one of the whites communities in the western hemisphere, Carmel by the Sea. What was disturbing to me is that all of the minority speakers and both presidential candidates focus on increased opportunities for minorities, but not a word about the increasingly racist subtext in our country, and the unprecedented racial divide in our major cities. Residential living in our major cities is still widely segregated. Corporate America is still largely dominated by older white guys. Inner city schools populated by mostly Black children are still providing substandard education. Income disparity among races is still showing huge gaps. Why was none of this front and center at the DNC or RNC?

 VIOLENT CRIME: Why is there no national, strategic plan to conquer the unprecedented wave of violent crime from coast to coast? Why does neither political party construct an approach to securing our cities and protecting the citizenry?

Why was Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel even in Charlotte, rather than at home in one of the most violent cities in the nation, trying to fix his town? In the entire text of his speech at the DNC he never mentioned violent crime in America. That is particularly significant since more than 500 people have been murdered in Chicago this year. In a city of roughly 2.7 million people, 19 of every 100,000 are murdered. What about Detroit, New Orleans, East L.A., Oakland, St. Louis, Memphis and others where the violence is rampant and to date, unstoppable? Why no mention of any of this at the RNC or DNC?

These are real life issues that matter to all of us. Many Americans are a paycheck away from joining the ranks of the homeless. Thousands of families have fallen victim to foreclosures, murder of a loved one, racial discrimination in the workplace and elsewhere, loss of a young son or daughter in Afghanistan, and not enough money to buy food.

 If American citizens are forced to sleep under bridges, to fall prey to illnesses brought on by malnutrition and over exposure to the elements, to never feel safe walking down a city street in broad daylight or to be disenfranchised simply because of their ethnicity, the country is broken. Taking nothing away from the eloquence of the convention speakers,

I am left to wonder if either party will address these issues that directly affect the voters. Or, is the entire aim just to acquire power for the sake of being powerful? Again, the conventions have become nothing more than theater, but theater is where we go to escape the reality of our daily lives. The conventions should have been opportunities to tackle the tough, gritty issues that unreasonably challenge us every day. I don’t know about you, but I did not see that or hear that at the RNC or the DNC.

"I'M SO, SO SORRY"...Sort of

Have you noticed all of the public apologies flying through the air the last couple of weeks? The latest comes from a guy most of us never heard of until he made a truly stupid comment on live television. His name is Todd Akin, and he is a GOP Congressman from Missouri running for the Senate in an attempt to unseat Democrat Claire McCaskill. When asked his views on abortion in cases of rape, Akin (who once said of NBC, “Well, I think NBC has a long record of being very liberal, and at the heart of liberalism really is a hatred for God and a belief that government should replace God”), had this to say: After the predictable firestorm of criticism from the general public, as well as lawmakers both Democratic and Republican (including Mitt Romney, who inexplicably took three days to react to Akin’s ignorance) Akin issued his mea culpa: "In reviewing my off-the-cuff remarks, it's clear that I misspoke in this interview and it does not reflect the deep empathy I hold for the thousands of women who are raped and abused every year."

 First, there was nothing “off the cuff” about his remarks. He responded in a measured, thought-out way to the interviewer’s question. But more importantly, here in the 21st century, shouldn’t a man who has been a public figure a good portion of his adult life be smarter than to say something so incendiary while he is running for the Senate? And it gets worse: Later he said that he did not mean to say “legitimate rape.” He really meant to say “forcible rape.” That leaves many of us scratching our heads – isn’t rape by its very nature an act of force? Further, notice in the video that Akin refers to “doctors” who told him this interesting phenomenon of the body not allowing itself to get pregnant when raped. Clearly no medical doctor really told him that. Akin simply lied. And there really is not a credible apology for that.

Akin’s apology may be the most high profile at the moment, but a less-publicized apology came about the same time from San Francisco’s All-Star Game MVP Melky Cabrera (right). Cabrera was recently suspended for 50 games after his misguided attempt to hide his use of performance enhancing drugs. Get this: After being accused, Cabrera went so far as to create a fake website that ostensibly sold a fake cream that contained the banned substance he was accused of using. He claimed he did not know the cream (which never existed) contained the substance. Oy. Backed into a corner, Cabrera issued an admission of guilt and an apology to his teammates, yada, yada, yada.

From the outside looking in, we’re left to wonder: Did Cabrera truly believe he would beat this rap? Did he so underestimate the league’s ability to investigate such elevated levels of testosterone in his body? Since he obviously did not act alone in concocting this ridiculous scheme, what about the others who aided and abetted? Do they just walk scot free?

Hey, there really is no such thing as walking away scot free when you’re a professional athlete who screws up in the worst way possible. Just ask NFL’r Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson (below, left), who is accused of head butting Evelyn Lozada, his wife of 41 days after she confronted him about an unexplainable condom receipt in the trunk of his car. Johnson,

always the gentleman (?) tried to convince authorities it was she who did the head butting. However, it was she who ended up in the emergency room with a three-inch laceration to her head. Johnson ended up losing his NFL contract with the Miami Dolphins, as well as his VHI reality show, “Chad and Ev.”

And Ev? Well, she filed for divorce. One might say Johnson is the Michael Vick of 2012. So, of course comes the predictable apology: "I wish Evelyn nothing but the best, I have no negative words to say about her, [and] the only thing I can say is I love her very much.” It went on – you can recite the rest --- “staying positive,” “appreciate all my fans,” yada, yada, yada. He did not, however, apologize to Dolphins Coach Joe Philbin, (who fired him), to whom he said he had never been in trouble before. That was a lie. Johnson has past domestic violence troubles. Johnson’s real distinction is that his marriage lasted even less time than that of Kim and Kris.

 The current cavalcade of public apologies, hollow as they may be, got a real shot in the arm this week with one from a naked Congressman. Come on, you can’t make this stuff up, right? This one comes from GOP’r Kevin Yoder from Kansas (right),

who went on a “fact-finding” mission to Israel with about 20 lawmakers one year ago. It seems that one night after dinner the group decided to go skinny-dipping in the Sea of Galilee – if that sounds familiar, it so happens that Jesus allegedly walked on water there. You have to love Yoder’s apology, in which he said he "followed some members of Congress in a spontaneous and very brief dive into the sea and regrettably I jumped into the water without a swimsuit." Oy. "It is my greatest honor to represent the people of Kansas in Congress,” Yoder added, “and (for) any embarrassment I have caused for my colleagues and constituents, I apologize."

If you’re wondering why Yoder even mentioned any of this, it may have something to do with the fact that the FBI is reportedly investigating the trip, although no details have been released as to why a Federal agency cares if a Congressman skinny dips.

There were other apologies this week, but our public sympathy well is beginning to run a bit dry. Still, it bears mentioning that comedian Wayne Brady apologized for a bad joke he made about Sarah Palin’s son, Trig. During his set at the Comedy Central roast of Roseanne Barr, Brady said to fellow roaster Jeffrey Ross, "...a lot of people hate you, especially Sarah Palin because you remind her of what Trig is going to look like when he’s 40." Trig, you will recall, has Downs Syndrome. Brady later issued an apology to the Palin family, but since he actually had to plan his remarks, and write them down and they were on a teleprompter, one has to assume the apology is somewhat meaningless. He meant to say what he said, knowing full well how insensitive it was. And then, of course, there is insensitivity that goes without any apology. Consider Vice-President Joe Biden, whose recent slavery-reminiscent reference caused a media and public uproar. Watch:
Those waiting for a public apology from the vice-president will be roundly disappointed.

Here’s the thing about public apologies: First, they are generally offered at the direction of a publicist or other public relations flack. That is why the language generally sounds so similar from disgraced athlete to ignorant politician to desperate comedian. Second, the damage is done, so the apology is really not useful. No one will remember Chad Johnson’s apology, but everyone will remember his 41-day marriage that ended in violence. Most importantly, the apologies are generally insincere and done only in the interest of image rehabilitation. I don’t know about you, but public figures who apologize just to do damage control really irk me. And when the above-mentioned insincerity rolls so easily off of their tongues, I, as a member of the public, feel…well…underestimated.

GOOD CHRISTIAN CHICKEN

In America, almost anything can become a symbol of social division. Exhibit A? Chick-fil-A. How many times have you walked through a mall in America – anywhere in America – and there was Chick-fil-A? The food is mediocre, cholesterol-laden, fried deeply and geared toward a culture that forgot the importance of eating from the earth. Still, a report issued this week by PrivCo, a New York- based research firm that specializes in private companies’ financial data, reveals the company is currently worth $4.5 billion. Further, the report tells us that the company has the biggest sales per unit in the fast food industry in America. So…the company is bigger than Macdonald’s, Wendy’s KFC, Sonic, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box and all the other companies whose focus is fat and salt. Who knew?

If you have been in a coma recently (because that is the only way you do not know this), here’s what happened. In June, COO and President of Chick-fil-A, Dan Cathy, said this in a radio interview: "As it relates to society in general, I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, 'We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.' I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we would have the audacity to try to redefine what marriage is all about."

Then, last month Cathy (left) was interviewed again and when challenged on his opposition to marriage equality, he said this: "Well, guilty as charged. We are very much supportive of the family - the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. We operate as a family business . . . We intend to stay the course. We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."

And then all hell broke loose. Yesterday, I was in Metairie, LA, which for those of you not from New Orleans, is an area outside of New Orleans with a population of about 150,000. According to the 2010 census, the population is approximately 75 percent white. Driving up Veterans Boulevard, which is the main thoroughfare, suddenly the traffic was stopped, bumper-to-bumper. What I failed to remember is that just a few blocks ahead on the right was the local Chick-fil-A. Thousands of people were flooding the company’s restaurants yesterday to stand (or eat, if you will) in solidarity with Dan Cathy’s “biblical definition of the family unit.”

First, I’d like to say to all of the good Christian chicken-lovers who showed up yesterday at Chick-fil-A’s nationwide – wouldn’t you have demonstrated a greater sense of Christian values by donating the money you spent on fried chicken to organizations that work to alleviate hunger internationally? Just saying. Instead, you chose to make a socio-political statement by waiting for up to an hour to pass through a drive-through window for fried chicken on white bread with waffle fries. While doing so, your car was running, so that collectively all of you contributed mightily to Metairie’s carbon footprint. Amen, y’all.

Meanwhile, big city mayors (Chicago, Boston) have come out with public statements rejecting Chick-fil-A and stating the company is not welcome in their cities. At the time I am writing this there is reportedly

a nationwide plan to stage a "National Same-Sex Kiss Day at Chick-fil-A" on Friday. Participants are encouraged to kiss each other, photograph it and post the pictures on the Web. Universities from North Carolina to NYU to Kansas to Notre Dame are reportedly considering dropping Chick-Fil-A from their on-campus food facilities.

Listen, I do not in any way agree with Dan Cathy’s views. I do not. However, I fully support his Constitutional right to express himself. Was it wise for him to mix commerce and religion? I think not.

But it is his choice whether he wants to give public props to Christ on the radio. While my brain does not compute the connection between a deep-fat-fried slab of chicken on a heavily buttered bun and the definition of marriage, Dan Cathy is an American with the right to freely spout off about his pride in being married to his “first wife.” If we try to silence Dan Cathy or put a significant dent in his corporate structure simply because we don’t like his views, what next? What about your views? What if a lot of people do not agree with your views? Should you be silenced? Should you be censored? Should your professional or corporate life be hampered because of your ideology? I think not. Dan Cathy clearly does not comprehend the seismic shift that is occurring in the makeup of the American family. He just doesn’t get it. Still, he has a right to make money. And you have a right not to spend yours on his greasy offerings.

 With that said, if evidence presents itself that Chick-fil-A is practicing discrimination in hiring or promotions, unfair labor practices or actionable bias against certain customers, then we have big trouble and Cathy needs to fess up and suffer the consequences. In fact, U.S. District Court records reveal that Chick-fil-A has been sued 12 times since 1988 for employment discrimination, according to a highly enlightening piece in Forbes Magazine about the company’s corporate culture.

The Chick-fil-A uproar currently underway across the nation is really not about two people with the same genitalia getting married. It is about freedom.

And every time we try to stifle someone’s Constitutional freedom in this country, we run the risk of losing our own freedoms. And in this country, when you lose even a degree of your freedoms, you rarely get them back. Does anybody remember what it was like when we actually had privacy? I challenge you to tell me how we’re going to ever get our privacy back. The same can be said for our freedom of speech. Let Dan Cathy talk. Let him pontificate and shout his exclusionary dogma from the rooftops of his chicken restaurants. And then shout back if you wish and spend all your fried chicken dollars at KFC or Popeye’s, (mmmm…Popeyes, num num num) but let him talk. The free and open public discourse is the root of everything – even when it is built on a chicken sandwich.

AFTER AURORA: THINGS BETTER LEFT UNSAID

Twelve people died, 58 were injured and media went into overdrive following the horrific shootings in an Aurora, CO movie theatre last week. Most of us would agree that this is not the time to pontificate about society’s ills or gun control or God’s messages or whatever. Most of us. But there are those select few who are so hungry for headlines, or who simply must be heard whether the time is right or not.

 Exhibit A would be one evangelical zealot named Jerry Newcombe, the PR face of a group called Truth in Action Ministries. Newcombe, not content to let the dust settle from the shootings, had this to say: “I can't help but feel that to some extent, we're reaping what we've been sowing as a society. We said to God, ‘Get out of the public arena.’ Lawsuit after lawsuit, often by misguided ‘civil libertarians,’ have chased away any fear of God in the land -- at least in the hearts of millions.” 

Not content to allow for the possibility that the shooter was just a deranged kid whose life had spun out of control, Newcombe evidently feels that some imaginary collective dismissal of God caused the tragedy in Colorado. And, to make matters worse, he went on to say some of the dead were doomed to hell: “If a Christian dies early, if a Christian dies young, it seems tragic, but really it is not tragic because they are going to a wonderful place ... on the other hand, if a person doesn’t know Jesus Christ ... if they knowingly rejected Jesus Christ, then, basically, they are going to a terrible place.”

So sayeth PR mouthpiece Jerry Newcombe. Most disturbing about Newcombe’s comments are that they are self-serving and timed simply to push forward Truth In Action’s agenda. According to their web site, the organization’s mission is “To introduce people to Christ, nurture and encourage Christians, and reform cultures.” Evidently, if they have to dishonor those who died in Aurora, and insult their families, that is all done under the guise of Christianity.

Reaction to the shootings has been largely shock and empathy. However, those select few who garner the big stories are individuals who lack an understanding of the negative power of their ill-timed words. Consider ABC News correspondent Brian Ross. Shortly after the shootings, Ross made a poorly conceived and clearly inaccurate connection between the alleged shooter and the Tea Party. Watch: After 20 years with ABC News, Ross knows better, but in the current “gotta be first” media climate, Ross likely felt unduly pressured to get something on ABC’s airwaves that no one else had yet discovered. This is the same reporter who in 2009 tied the now infamous “underwear bomber” to a plan hatched by former Guantanamo prison detainees. It turned out to be total fiction. Ross also dreamed up an Iraqi connection to the 2001 post-9/11 anthrax attacks. As it turned out, there was no truth to the story. But this time, he seemed determined to find a political angle to the Aurora story that was total fabrication.

Others advancing their own agenda after the Aurora tragedy include Former Arizona State Sen. Russell Pearce,(right) a longtime advocate for gun rights. Here’s what Pearce saw fit to say on his Facebook page: “Had someone been prepared and armed they could have stopped this 'bad' man from most of this tragedy. He was two and three feet away from folks, I understand he had to stop and reload. Where were the men of flight 93????

Someone should have stopped this man. Someone could have stopped this man….Lives were lost because of a bad man, not because he had a weapon, but because no one was prepared to stop it. Had they been prepared to save their lives or lives of others, lives would have been saved. All that was needed is one [courageous]/brave man prepared mentally or otherwise to stop this. [I]t could have been done. When seconds count, police are only minutes away.”

 It is the old “guns don’t kill, people do” argument, and Pearce clearly saw an opening to put forth his personal dogma. Here is the problem with his position: He assumes that everybody else in that theater who could have been armed (had they subscribed to his theory) was completely sane and reasonable. In other words, let’s just let everybody be armed in all public places and hope for the best. Were I able to reach him, I would ask Pearce, with even more weapons being fired in a dark, crowded movie theater, is it not likely more people would have been shot? Pearce’s misguided passion overtook his logic, but it still makes for great news copy, huh?

Finally, the ultimate insult to those directly affected in Aurora comes from none other than pop superstar Madonna. During her current tour, Madonna has hit the headlines for exposing her breast, exposing her butt, showing Nazi symbols on stage as part of her act and standing on top of a black cross holding a gun to her head. One could chalk up these antics to a sort of desperation to hold on to her fan base via shock value, but what she did just hours after the Aurora shootings is simply irresponsible. At a concert in Scotland, the singer reportedly waved fake machine guns and pistols on stage. At the time she did that, the Aurora story was front page news in most major European publications.

 Sometimes discretion really is the better part of valor. Would it not have been more thoughtful of each of the above-mentioned individuals to forgo calling attention to themselves and their own agendas in favor of respecting the families and survivors of Aurora? Brian Ross was simply looking to “scoop” other reporters and news organizations. Jerry Newcombe tried to use the Aurora tragedy to call attention to and possibly enrich his organization. Just under the mission statement on the site is a call for donations. Russell Pearce, no longer a Senator and lacking constant media coverage, obviously saw Aurora as a vehicle to perpetuate his platform for gun rights. And Madonna? Well, Madonna is 53 years old, competing in a genre whose participants are decades younger. Her motives are selfish, to say the least.

Aurora is yet another American tragedy. Those who cannot contribute something meaningful and substantive to the national conversation need to simply shut up.

WHAT PRICE LAUGHTER?

Last week a comedian you may never have heard of, named Daniel Tosh, made national headlines for all the wrong reasons.  It seems Tosh was doing his standup comedy routine at L.A.’s Laugh Factory, when a female audience member heckled him for declaring that rape jokes are always funny.  Said the audience member, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny.”  That led to Tosh saying, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…”

I can’t remember a standup comedian getting so much press worldwide since last year when comedian Tracy Morgan said this in his standup act, while performing at Nashville’s historic Ryman Auditorium:  "Gays need to quit being pussies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying." It gets worse.  He continued: “My son better talk to me like a man and not in a gay voice or I'll pull out a knife and stab that little nigger to death." In the days that followed, there were lots of apologies, both from the theatre and from Morgan, dramatic mea culpas, and all the predictable walking back of thoughts that can’t really be walked back.

Morgan’s (left) rant was just the latest in a string of comedians desperately groping for laughs.  Well, except for “Seinfeld” alum Michael Richards, of course, who lost his complete mind on stage in late 2006, when he committed career suicide.  It seems a black audience member was heckling Richards when the comedian exploded, saying, “"Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass." And he didn’t stop.  He was relentless.  "You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherfucker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"

 And that, ladies and gentleman was a wrap.

This week, after Tosh’s unfortunate choice of subject matter and words, media is abuzz with arguments back and forth about whether comics should have boundaries, or if they should be free to say whatever they wish to say. I have three things to say to Daniel Tosh: First, say anything you want to say whenever you want to say it, but remember that words have consequences, and you’re feeling them right now. Second, Daniel…rape isn’t funny. Not funny. At all.  Third, when you responded to the female audience member by suggesting how funny it would be if she was raped, you were not doing comedy.  You were doing power. Everybody knows that rape is an act of power, not sex.  And by insulting the audience member by resorting to the lowest common denominator, you were exerting your power.

Tosh,(below, right) in case you are one of those who hasn’t followed his career, is big on Comedy Central. He has a show called Tosh.0, that has amassed over a million viewers.

The show is Internet-themed, showing viral videos and online clips, mixed with lots of fart jokes and puberty-level bits, and of course his regular segment called “Is It Racist?”.  I know this because a friend of mine watches the show regularly and I have been in front his TV when the show comes on. Sophomoric is the word that comes to mind.  Tosh is reportedly the son of a minister and suffers from social anxiety disorder. Are we, the viewers, being subjected to the host’s daddy issues and need for affiliation? Just saying.

The term you hear so often when incidents like Tosh’s rape joke debacle come up is “political correctness.” How many times have you heard someone complain that “everything has to be so goddamned politically correct these days.” Stop and think about political correctness. What is it, really? It is cultural change in action.  Political correctness is our society’s collective decision that it is no longer appropriate to use words like “nigger,” because it debases an entire population segment.

It is the 21^st century dragging us kicking and screaming toward respect for individuals to whom we have directed our prejudice and disdain for hundreds of years.  People like Tosh must have stayed home sick from school the day when it was communicated that rape is about violence, in a society that does not condone violence. People like Morgan evidently sacrificed the sensitivity chip for anything that would garner a laugh. Even talk of murdering his own son.  Political correctness is nothing more than a society gaining a bit of verbal and behavioral integrity, after years of insults, degradation, humiliation and bullying.

Behind the cushy safety of his Twitter account, Tosh posted this just days after the rape joke incident: "I'd like to sincerely apologize."  That was a good start, until he went on to say that "the point i was making before i was heckled is there are awful things in the world but you can still make jokes about them. #deadbabies."

Somewhere there are rooms full of junior high school boys coming to terms with their internal hormonal tsunami, and rolling on the floor laughing at their hero, Daniel Tosh. In what will seem like milliseconds, those boys will be men, whose indoctrination to male/female relationships will have more to do with Comedy Central than it will with the reality of a culture that is finally struggling to realize the real power of respect.

I had a teacher once who told me the wisest thing I have heard to date: “People are often what you invite them to be.” So, if a person who has a strong public platform and the full attention of his or her listeners – a person, say, like a standup comedian, maybe –if that person uses his platform to invite people to be racists, or homophobes, or cavemen, a good portion of that audience may just go along to get along. But as long as that happens, people like Daniel Tosh have done nothing more than perpetuate ignorance and delay the cultural change that aims to level the playing field.  Listen, I love funny people.  I always have. But is a good laugh worth all that? I think not.

THE SUMMER OF FALLEN HEROES

We Americans have learned some hard lessons lately about hero worship, creating cultural icons and expecting too much from our fellow humans. Exhibit A, of course, is Joe Paterno, the recently deceased former football coach at the embattled Penn State University. Paterno emerged, over decades, as the symbol of Penn State’s success, which was defined by its football program. Now we know that like many others at the university, Paterno was complicit in covering up child molestations perpetrated by one of his staff members, Jerry Sandusky. Paterno’s dead, Sandusky’s in prison, and the citizens of “Happy Valley,” PA, are left to clean up their mess. Oh, and those young boys who Sandusky molested? Well, they’re still young, but some of them are in young adulthood, and they are left to cope with what happened to them.

 In a scathing report issued by former FBI Director Louis Freeh, Paterno is singled out as one among several powerful figures at Penn State who not only knew of the molestations as far back as 1998, but made a decision to do nothing about it. Paterno, with 409 career victories - the most in NCAA history among major college coaches, chose to ignore the illegality and inhumanity of Sandusky’s behavior, and simply protect the institution. Here is ESPN’s initial report regarding Freeh’s findings: Therein is the problem with heroes. Once we elevate someone to idol status, it is up to them to fight their own ego and stay on the straight and narrow, and it’s up to us to monitor their integrity. Had anyone bothered to monitor Joe Paterno’s real life, rather than the one his fans created for him, it would have been clear that he was a flawed human being, just like the rest of us. Instead, he was assigned some type of mythic status that resulted in his carrying the secrets of his complicity to the grave.

When hero worship runs amok, even low lifers like former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards are able to become symbols of the American dream. Back in 2006, when Edwards came to New Orleans to announce his candidacy, I already had my doubts about him. He went to a site in the Ninth Ward, where the recent Hurricane Katrina had done the most damage, to announce his candidacy. It was a well-orchestrated, strategic move designed to show Edwards getting down with the people. Ostensibly, Edwards was there to help rebuild a badly damaged home. Witnesses who were there say he never so much as picked up a hammer. It was a photo op only.

He announced the candidacy, got in a black SUV with heavily tinted windows and off he went. It was then I knew Edwards was not to be placed on a pedestal. Back then, a close friend of mine told me she was very impressed with Edwards and planned to support his candidacy.

I told her I did not trust him, and if I were her I would wait it out and see if he reveals more of his true self. The rest, as they say, is history. The important point here is that Edwards amassed a lot of support for his candidacy. His all-American good looks and megawatt smile were, for some voters, mesmerizing. Had there been no Hillary Clinton in the race, chances are Edwards would have amassed huge support. He was already gaining endorsements from organized labor, and his campaign appearances were rock-star like. Later, by the time the emperor (Edwards) had no clothes, campaign observers were able to shed their blind admiration for the candidate and see that he was indeed not a hero. In the National Review, writer John Geraghty said it best in a piece he wrote about the Edwards campaign: “The Edwardses warns us of the risk we take when we “fall in love” with a politician — and I don’t mean in a romantic sense, but when we conclude “I can trust that person, I know that person” based on some interviews and speeches.”

But it is not always about trust. Sometimes it is simply about a hunger for leadership, a public need for a return to civil discourse and the potential for positive change. Enter Barack Obama, whose campaign for his first term brought back memories of John F. Kennedy’s 1960 election.

For my part, I believe he ran a pretty straightforward campaign, and while he said things people wanted to hear, I think he believed in what he said. The list of individuals and organizations that endorsed his candidacy is long and now legendary. And talk about a rock star – Edwards was a mere Neil Diamond next to Obama’s Springsteen. It had been a long time since a candidate had been so lionized by the voting public. After his momentous election day, he really had nowhere to go but down. And down he went. Depending upon where and what you read, Obama is currently way down in support among women, young people, Jews, even fellow Democrats. What no one seems to want to admit is that we, the voters, really set him up to fail. Nobody could have fulfilled all of the promise that we entrusted with him.

 It is the incessant need for heroes in our culture that seems to do us the most harm. And it keeps happening. Was Lance Armstrong the super-human athlete we needed him to be, or was he simply an example of better cycling through chemistry? We were the ones who decided that baseball-betting, tax-evading, umpire attacking Pete Rose

was a baseball hero. The list is never-ending: Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Anthony Weiner, Rod Blagojevich, Gary Hart, Tiger Woods, Eliot Spitzer, and of course, our two all-time favorite disgraced heroes: O.J. Simpson and Richard Nixon. All of the above lost public support, and some of them lost their careers, all because they screwed up in spectacular fashion. Well, not “all because.” Perhaps it was partly our fault that caused these and other public figures to fall. They all exercised questionable judgment, but we decided each was way out of our league, because we needed to look up to somebody.

The moral of this story is simple: Because someone can speak or sing or throw a ball or run fast or dazzle a crowd or win football games does not make him or her bigger or better than you. And once they fail to live up to your expectations, perhaps it is best to simply acknowledge they were not perfect. Following last week’s release of the Freeh report on Penn State, Joe Paterno’s family released a lengthy statement denying its claims. Towards the end, it said, “It can certainly be asserted that Joe Paterno could have done more. He acknowledged this himself last fall. But to claim that he knowingly, intentionally protected a pedophile is false.” Although the evidence shows otherwise, there may be some truth to the statement. In fact, Joe Paterno may simply have been protecting himself, and the institution that formed the basis of his lifelong identity. In the end, he was nobody’s hero—he was just a guy who knew how to coach football.